Archive for the ‘Stupid Things I Do’ Category

Get the rocking chair ready

May 29, 2015 1 comment

On Wednesday night the wife was in school so I was on my own for dinner. I decided to have leftover soup. You see, on the weekend I had made a delightful soup by roasting potatoes and sweet potatoes with olive oil, salt and pepper then blending them with collard greens, onions and garlic. It was YUMMY. Even the wife liked it. 

Unfortunately, when I looked in the fridge, there was none to be had. So I had something else. 

Yesterday, my beautiful wife was doing dishes (I had made spaghetti) and she went to the cupboard to get a container for the leftovers, lo and behold she found two neatly stowed containers of soup. 

Apparently I’m at the age where I’m putting perishable food in a cupboard. 

On a positive note, I lost my sunglasses a few weeks ago but now I suspect they are in the fridge. 


No wonder I like cereal for dinner…

March 1, 2012 Leave a comment

There have been a few blogs dedicated to varying degrees of un-success with respect to preparing meals at our household. Neither my wife or I are terribly interested in cooking. I likely would be if it were my only task in life and I had an ultra organized kitchen. Sadly, I have a job and a tiny kitchen with ugly cupboards.

Regardless, we do try cooking on occasion.

Most recently, the wife has been told to eat more along the “Mediterranean Diet” style by her physician. We then bought “Mediterranean Diet for Dummies” because that’s about our experience level with legumes and beans. We have also added the “Epicurious” application to our iPads, which allows us to access millions of recipes when we search by Main Ingredient, Meal/Course, Dietary Consideration, Dish Type, Season or Occasion. We are ready to cook!

Last week, we went to Costco for some kitchen catchers and came home with $500 worth of product. This product included two lovely tenderloin roasts. A search in Epicurious for “Beef” produced the recipe for “Roast Beef Tenderloin with Caesar Crust”. It looks really good and was highly rated. We went grocery shopping to pick up most of the ingredients then set about the cooking.

The recipe called for “fresh breadcrumbs made from day old white bread”. The wife interpreted that as “day old bread”. I said we had breadcrumbs already – they just weren’t fresh. The wife opted for “fresh” over “breadcrumbs”. <Aside: I also never knew “breadcrumbs” was one word until today.>

We also needed finely grated lemon zest. The wife bought two lemons, said she didn’t know what lemon zest was and told me to grate 4 teaspoons. I said that it was the rind… or was it? Now I was doubting myself. We googled. It was rind. I grated 4 teaspoons (or “tsp” as the experts say).

Then the wife handed me two heads of garlic and says “Chop these finely. We need two cloves.” I hand one head back and say, “This is a head.” I show her a clove. “This is a clove.” She laughs and says she would have used both heads.

We then add fresh grated Parmesan, mayonnaise, dijon mustard, Worcestershire sauce and black pepper to that. The instructions say to pulse this in a “small food processor”. I do not have a “small food processor”. I do have a blender.

Apparently those ingredients don’t like being blended. Especially the raw bread. I press the button and nothing moves. So I open the lid and stick in a wooden spatula. That was a bad idea. I now have half a wooden spatula.

The wife says we have to start over. I say I think I can pull the chunks out. The wife assembles the chunks and they do not form a complete wooden spatula. We start over. Luckily we have enough ingredients, except for the freshly grated Parmesan. We dig in the fridge and find some Kraft Parmesan. It’s best before date is 2008. As we only need 2/3 cup and we had about 1/2 cup of the fresh stuff, we used it anyway.  Maybe it ages like wine – cheddar does. The wife threw the rest of the container out. We also used real bread crumbs this time instead of day old bread.

The blender still doesn’t work.

I use a hand mixer (the kind you use for smoothies) and it works out fine. We coated the meat as directed (refer to photo) and put it in the oven.

We’re a little worried as it says “Roast until crust is golden brown and an internal thermometer reads 110-115 F, 30-40 minutes” and we usually cook roast that size for 2hrs. We don’t own a meat thermometer.

We checked it at 40 minutes and although it’s golden brown on the outside, it’s still pretty pink in the inside. I’m very worried. Luckily, Costco roasts come in twos.

And no other food has been cooked – no veggies, no lentils, no nothing. This is the worst Mediterranean recipe ever.

Next recipe: Morning Glory Breakfast Bars – no Parmesan, breadcrumbs or lemon zest… but it does have “liquid honey”. Is that normal honey?


This spatula gave its life for the roast...

Stupid is as stupid does.

April 12, 2011 Leave a comment

When I bought this house about 7 years ago, it had a garage. There was only one door into the garage (the one you drive your car through) and that door was opened manually by lifting it up.

That was terribly inconvenient so I installed a Sears Craftsman automatic garage door opener. Well, I didn’t – I got a friend from work to do it. He’s very handy.

To open/close this door I had two wireless remotes (one left in the house and one left in my car) and a doorbell type switch wired from the motor and placed inside the garage near the door so I could push it while walking out of the garage and the door would close behind me.

When the wife moved in, her SUV was too big for my garage so we didn’t need to worry about changing the garage door process.

Last week, the wife got a new car – a 2011 Mitsubishi Lancer GT. It fits in the garage and therefore needs a remote.

So I went to Canadian Tire and purchased a universal remote that I could program to my motor and – ta da! – everything would be perfect.

Sadly, while programming the new remote, I followed the instructions on the remote (not the motor) and in doing so, erased the existing remotes. And the new remote didn’t work either.  I went into the house to get the instructions for the motor and of course, closed the garage door behind me using the switch on the wall. Bad idea.

The door closed. I was outside with three remotes that didn’t work. My car was inside. There was no way to open that door.

I called my dad who told me I was pooched. I called a friend’s handy husband who also told me I was pooched. I called Sears who was charging $100 to send someone over 6 days later to determine whether or not I was pooched.

Thankfully, a friend’s handy husband has a friend who used to install garage door openers. He came to my house, drilled a hole in the door, fished the rope pull release so we could manually open the door, then installed a “garage door safety release” so this wouldn’t happen again. And then he programmed all three remotes. I love him. I’ve suggested to the wife we use his sperm for the baby.

Categories: Stupid Things I Do

I dyed.

April 8, 2010 2 comments
RY doesn’t care for my salt and pepper hair. She keeps bugging me to dye it.  When I go home to Alberta, as a special treat for RY I let my mom dye my hair. She used to dye it when I was young and girly (well, kinda girly) so I trust her and she is always worthy of my trust.
The two times we have done this, RY chose the dye colour – brown, which is fine but it’s a blondish brown (she doesn’t like red) so where my hair is white, the dye makes my hair blonde. Blonde highlights are not my natural colour, red highlights are my natural colour. I don’t like the blonde. It feels really unnatural to me.
This week, we needed to dye my hair because we have engagement photos on Sunday. My mother is nowhere in sight but RY assured me that she’s done this several times with her exgf so we went to Shoppers Drug Mart for dye. This time, I requested a brown dye with red highlights hoping I’d feel better about the fake colour.
We read the instructions, which said to leave the dye on for 10 minutes plus 5 minutes more if I was really white haired. (It also said to do a test strip, but we ignored that. Who ever does a test strip?)
The dye went on. After 15 minutes the dye came off. My hair was orange. Very orange. And not a natural shade of orange, a very fake shade of orange.
RY decides we didn’t leave it on long enough, so we do it again with the remaining dye (a nice benefit of having very little hair is that you dont’ use the whole package). This time we leave it on for 30 minutes.
I’m still orange.
We call my mom and her mom and everything points to doing this again. The fear was that by combining colours, we’d get green but we went to teh Shoppers and got another dye (I wore a ball cap). RY selected an "ash brown" because she learned through her extensive dying history that ash reduces red. I was just hoping it reduced orange.
We put it on. By this time, my scalp was burning. The dye mixture was green. RY kept coming over and saying "it looks green". We left the dye on for 30 minutes (RY wanted to do more but my poor scalp couldn’t take it).
My hair was no longer orange. Well, in the right light, there are orange highlights, but it looks fairly normal the rest of the time. We’ll see how it photographs on Sunday.
Tonight she is applying tanning cream to my face. There could be more orange.

I’m stupid but trusted by the law.

August 15, 2009 Leave a comment
Last week, we got a PVR from Rogers. Essentially, I just had to unplug the old cable box, plug this one in and program the remote. Rogers automatically does the rest. It came with very good instructions.
As an engineer, I followed the instructions to the letter. At the end, I ran out of instructions and it wasn’t working. I called tech support.
Tech support asked if I did something. I had. Then she told me to go the box and press the power button. So I did. That fixed it.
Later that week, RY and I were driving up to Newmarket to pick up her bridesmaid dress for her brother’s wedding. It’s about an hour from our place. We stopped in North York to get some cash to pay the seamstress. Coming out of the bank lot, we couldn’t turn left, which is the direction we wanted to go. So I turned left and pulled into the left lane so could pull a U-turn. While in the left turn lane, I saw a sign indicating I was not allowed to turn left. Hmmm… Since I was already in the turn lane and traffic was coming behind me thereby preventing me from getting back in the right lane, I U-turned anyway.
That’s when I made eye contact with the OPP officer in the Esso parking lot. Ugh.
They pull me over. One officer approaches my side casually. Another officer approaches RY’s side of the car with his hand on his gun. Obviously they are trained to know the femme in the passenger seat is going to be the troublesome one.
I roll down my window and the officer says "Did you know you pulled a U-turn…" I just said "yes" and handed him my info (which I had ready).
They go back to their car to run my information and RY is cursing the whole time.
Then the officer comes back, gives me a warning and helps me merge back into traffic.
RY is annoyed that I get off when she gets a ticket. I think I get off because unlike her, I’ve never used the expression "why are you wasting the tax payers money?". She believes I got off because I am a "trusted travellor".
Categories: Stupid Things I Do

At least it wasn’t January…

May 11, 2009 Leave a comment
I have a keychain with my car key, my house key, my Esso speedpass and a PetSmart frequent buyer tag. When I go on business trips, not unlike last week, I take my house key off the keychain and put it in my laptop bag. This way, if RY can’t pick me up at the airport for some reason, I can take a cab and will still have my key to get into the house. The reason I do not take the entire keychain is that when you’re standing in line at the airport, every ounce you carry matters.
<Aside: No matter what time I’m scheduled to arrive at the airport, RY is always 3 hours early. I may not even be on the plane at that time. Isn’t that cute?>
Anyway, I drove home from work today, stopped at the grocery store, picked up the mail and parked in the garage so RY could park on the driveway when she got home. As the garage door closed and I’m hiking up the front stairs with my four heavy grocery bags (all doubly bagged because they were so heavy), I realized that my house key was still in my laptop bag, which was at that point in time, in the office. Not that it mattered, because the garage door had just closed on my car and the only openers are in the car, in the garage and in the house.
RY was not scheduled to be home until 9pm and was in a meeting until then. What a pickle.
I sat on the stoop thinking ‘who will still be at the office at this hour who drives this way to get home and whose number I have programmed into my cell phone?’
I called Karen, because everyone who has a problem calls Karen. As I told her what happened, I stuck my hand in my pocket. In that pocket were my set of keys to RY’s SUV. Thankfully, they are on a keychain with a house key!
Can you imagine me sitting on the porch for three hours with my groceries and then realizing that my house key was in my pocket the entire time?
From now on though, I’m carrying the extra ounces.
Categories: Stupid Things I Do

I suck at household chores – what kind of virgo am I?

April 21, 2008 Leave a comment
Hmm… it seems that starting the washer and putting clothes in it is not enough. You have to close the lid or your clothes will just end up marinating in the water.
Categories: Stupid Things I Do