Archive for the ‘Fitness, Sports & Other Things That Hurt Me’ Category


October 4, 2014 Leave a comment

footprints-in-the-sandThe wife and I went down to the Waterfront Trail for a run. As the wife is considerably better at running, she took off like a jack rabbit and I followed along at a slower pace.

When I reached the end of the path, I checked my pocket for my keys. I am paranoid about losing the car keys when I run so I check them often. Today was doubly important because they were in that little money pocket in the liner that really only holds quarters, nickels and maybe a USB key. At the end of the path, the keys were in my pocket.

When I got back to the start of the path I decided I had enough for the day and walked to the car to wait for the wife and to fix the damage that installing iOS8 did to my running app playlist (don’t ask).

The keys were not in my pocket.

So I did what any logical person would do, I went back along my running path to see where I dropped them. I asked every dog walker and passerby if they had seen them. No luck. I made it all the way back to end of the path where I last checked them only to come up empty.

I stopped and pondered. I walked a few more steps. And then I noticed that my now highly attuned flight-or-fight reflexes (the same one you get when you think you’ve lost your wallet) were sensing a jingle in my walk…

I looked in my shorts and there were my keys nestled in the liner. Hooray!

It was then that I realized that unlike the Jesus that carries you when you hit hard times along the path, apparently my Jesus hides my keys in my shorts so that I do twice as much running as I want to do. My Jesus moonlights as a physical trainer.

This also explains why I can’t find one of our telephones, apparently I’m not doing enough stairs.

[Aside: I Googled “Jesus is my running coach” to find an appropriate image and Google responded with a picture of Rob Ford. Religion is very confusing.]


5k… the k stands for ‘crazy’.

July 11, 2013 Leave a comment

The wife and I have signed up for a 5k Scotiabank run in October to raise money for her work. The wife wanted 10k but there didn’t seem to be one.

Also, we saw two zombie movies on the weekend (Zombieland and World War Z) and those zombies were very fast. Not the caffeine-deprived, laggardly ones I routinely encounter in the Resident Evil franchise.  These ones are the cheetahs of the zombie world. I would not survive an apocalypse with cheetah zombies. I need to get faster… or at least faster than the wife. She just did 18k in two hours in someone else’s shoes just because she felt like walking home from downtown Toronto though so unless the zombies take her by surprise, they’ll get me first.

Which leads me to training for this charity run. I started by drinking a Bolthouse Farms Vanilla Chai Tea. It has 18g protein and 646mg calcium. Good start. I’m not actually running until tonight but I didn’t want to run with a full bladder. That would slow down my time.

Step 2 was investigating running apps for iPhone. My virgo engineer brain only enjoys what I can track and graph. I found out that I already have a running app that I enjoy very much: Zombies, run! I think it was running from zombies that put me in the hospital last year. Despite this, I will use it again. The wife is greatly entertained when I suddenly accelerate to escape an imaginary zombie hoard.

Step 3 was downloading the race app on my iPhone so I could track my fundraising efforts. So far, the wife has raised more money but that’s good. While she’s distracted by her fundraising achievements, I’ll get a head start on the race and leave her behind with the Scotiabank zombies.

The final step for today’s training regimen was writing this blog.

Looks like I’m ready to race… No wait – I need new running shoes…

April showers bring hospitals, sperm tanks and firemen.

In light of my family history with bad hearts, my doctor decided to send me for an echocardiogram (ultrasound) and stress test. I have had no symptoms but she thought it would be good to do and give my mother peace of mind.

On Tuesday, I went for these tests. They did the echo which seemed to reveal a clot in my heart. They cancelled the stress test and sent me back to my doctor. She consulted the cardiologist down the hall who said he found it doubtful that they would be able to see a clot in the poor resolution of the echocardiogram and he would be happy to take me same day and redo the test. So the wife and I wandered down the hall to see him. He had gone for the day.

The wife, being ever vigilant, insisted I get this test result confirmed or denied that same day so we wandered off to the hospital. I was in the hospital for two days getting tested and re-tested. Subsequent ECGs, X-Rays, CT scans and blood tests all came up negative. They repeated the echocardiogram and it did indeed confirm the first test was wrong. I was completely fine. Phew.

Unfortunately, while I was getting my first echocardiogram, the wife was at the fertility clinic getting her hCG shot to trigger her ovulation. We had brought the tank home the day before so we would be ready to insert when she ovulated. Giving her the hCG shot meant that she would ovulate within 24-36hrs. We needed to do the first insemination Wednesday and the next one on Thursday. I was in the hospital at that time. This is not really a task you can call in a buddy to do for you. Feed my cats, yes. Inseminate my wife, no.

This meant that we had to do it in my semi-private room with a family of five chatting away on the other side of the curtain. Romantic. Thankfully, the wife has a sense of humour.

After all this excitement, we were looking forward to sleeping in our own bed again. Sleeping in a semi-private room is not easy, especially for the wife who was sleeping in a chair for two nights in a row. We were exhausted. We got home. We went to bed.

At 4am the beeping started.

We checked the alarm panel and called the monitoring company. No issues there. The alarm guy suggested a battery in our smoke detector. Can’t be that as it’s hardwired into the electrical. We check it anyway. The beeping does seem to be coming from the smoke detector. But there’s no battery to replace.

We call the fire department for guidance and they say they’ll send someone right over. Five minutes later we had three burly firemen in our house. Where were they on insemination day?

Anyway, it turns out my CO detector was telling me it was ready to be replaced by a new one. Why it couldn’t tell me that at 2pm instead of 4am is beyond me.

The firemen were really nice though. Very cheerful for that time of the morning. But bringing the big fire truck was overkill.

Does this mean I’m pregnant?

September 4, 2010 Leave a comment


Thursday morning I woke up with severe back pain. I haven’t had severe back pain since I dated the DS and she made me lift heavy things every time she moved, which was every other month I think… Anyway, I had back pain and went into work. After sitting at my desk for a few hours and experiencing significant pain, I decided to go home. It took about ten minutes to sit down in my car and then another ten minutes to get out. I was in so much pain, I didn’t even go get the mail, which for me is very unusual now because I love going to see the RSVP cards in there.

Friday I stayed home from work. Sitting, lying down, standing, walking. It all hurt. It’s very sad because I was mentally very alert. It’s a pain being mentally alert but physically immobile. I didn’t even play Resident Evil 4 so you know it was bad.

To make me feel better, RY decided to bake chocolate chip cookies for me. This meant making a special trip to the grocery store because we didn’t have any cookie fixings in the house. While at the grocery store, she decided I may also want some ice cream sandwiches and skor ice cream drumsticks. (And yes, although I’m working out at the gym like a nut, these ice cream feedings are not helping me get closer to my fit by forty goals… lol)

At the checkout, the cashier giggles and says to RY, “I remember this phase – how far along are you? you don’t look pregnant…”

No she doesn’t look pregnant at all. Sadly, I look like I’m about five months along…

PS: Saw the dr today who said it is likely a slipped disc. He recommended a harder mattress. My parents’ guest room has a hard mattress and when I slept on it last Christmas, I had back pain too. Not this severe though. I hate back pain. I like being able to put my own socks on although I have to admit, it’s kind of fun having RY do it…

I need a 12 step plan.

In September, my doctor told me to stop drinking caffeine. There are a lot of beverages that I enjoy that have caffeine: coffee, Starbuck’s chai latte, Canada Dry green tea ginger ale, Diet Coke. I was not even allowed to drink decaf as there is residual caffeine.
About a month ago, the doctor asked me to try changing my diet again: avoid caffeine, citrus, aspartame, carbonation, alcohol, spicy foods (it’s an interstitial cystitis diet – I don’t have that, but we thought we’d try the diet). Avoiding citrus has actually helped significantly so I started reintroducing caffeine. I still can’t handle a lot of caffeine, but I can have a daily decaf and occasionally sip RY’s fully caffeinated beverage.
I thought I was coping with my limited caffeine diet until I was at the immigration office at Pearson Airport last week. I just got a new passport and had to update my TN Visa and Nexus card information. I stood before the immigration officer answering questions and signing things and I looked down to see that he had a coffee stain on his blotter… a nice creamy coffee coloured coffee stain. From that point on, all I could think of was "I REALLY NEED A COFFEE". Honestly – I am not joking. I would have licked that blotter if I could reach it.
I’m an addict.

I suppose it helps my “Fit for 40” goal.

August 15, 2009 Leave a comment
On Thursday, RY, a friend and I were downtown. The friend lives on Jameson. We walked across the bridge to the Waterfront path for a leisurely stroll.
After about 40 minutes, RY recalled that there was a suspension bridge nearby that she had wanted to walk across but she couldn’t remember exactly where it was. So we walked. And walked. And walked.
We found it after walking for about 1.5 – 2 hours. (Can’t remember exactly as it was a haze.) It was a hot muggy Toronto night. I was covered with smog sweat that clogged my pours and bugs that tend to stick to the smog sweat. My pants were a bit baggy and I was chaffing in the thigh. Ew ew ew.
Have you ever read Stephen King’s "The Long Walk"?
Halfway back to the car, RY’s feet were blistered. We changed shoes. She wore my comfy Blundstones. I wore her girly flip flops.
At work the next day, I mapped the path we walked. Over 8km.
We passed several cab stands along the way.  A cab back to the cars would have been $10.45 (ie: approx $3 each). Cost of a tube of Polysporin for my chaffing and a bandaid for RY’s blisters $10.49 + $0.50 = $10.99

Fit by 40 – Day 1

May 26, 2009 Leave a comment
RY and I went to the gym. This is nothing new, we’ve been doing this since January, but this is the first time post ‘fit by 40’ blog.

I did 30 minutes on the elliptical at level 3. (RY did 65 minutes on 10, but we’re not going to talk about that show off.) Then I did 500 steps and I carried an additional 10lbs for the last 100. Then I smelled really bad.

We did some weights and went to the grocery store for chocolate chip cookie dough. Well, we actually just went for groceries but RY snuck that into the cart.

In other news, the kittens were eating the flowers I brought for RY so we bought them some cat grass. They prefer flowers.