Archive for January, 2014

Why does “vegetarian” rhyme with “carrion”?

January 22, 2014 2 comments

For 2014, the wife and I decided to try vegetarianism. I’m from Alberta and love meat so it’s an odd thing. I also don’t like beans. People are making bets on how long we last. I put $20 down on 3 months.

Here is how the first 22 days have gone:

Day 1 – I turn to the wife and say, ‘do you want to try vegetarianism?’ and she says, ‘sure’. She likes beans so it’s less of an effort for her.

Day 2 – We discover we have lots of meat in our fridge. Those animals are already dead so we decide it would be disrespectful to throw it away. We eat three chicken breasts, a pound of ground beef, two spinach and chicken pizzas and a Stawnichy sausage ring. We leave the steaks for another day.

Day 5 – The wife has tuna. I gently point out that tuna is meat. After some discussion, she is allowed tuna. I go to the bathroom and take the tuna out of my hair.

Day 16 – We visit the in-laws. Her mother makes her famous chicken fingers. Well, that chicken is already dead so …

Day 17 – I unexpectedly show up at my work’s Lunch and Learn. They didn’t order a veggie meal for me so I take some penne with tomato sauce and ground meat and pick out the meat like a five year old.

Day 20 – I notice my leather shoes. I recognize the hypocrisy of wearing animals when I won’t eat them. I start researching how to make clothing from the cat hair that is under the couch.

Day 21 – My boss (a vegetarian) asks how it’s going and suggests we become 25% meat eaters. I ask her to define that. Apparently, we only eat meat once a week. I leave her office wondering how she became my boss with that kind of math.

Day 22 – I find a recipe for veggie lasagna for the slow cooker. I can’t find half the ingredients so I throw in the steaks.

Vegetarianism is much easier than it looks.


The Healing Powers of the Internet

January 15, 2014 Leave a comment

Sometimes, I like to Google search random things. Today, I Googled “I ate way too many chocolate covered almonds”. I love chocolate covered almonds and we got a big Costco bag of them for Christmas.

Today, I ate way too many of themĀ (which is why I don’t buy them normally) and thought I’d see what the Google search coders thought of that.

The result was a story from 2011 about Sean Williams, a basketball player who ate so many chocolate covered almonds that he vomited during a basketball game. If you don’t believe me,

So in the end, I felt pretty good about myself. Yes, I ate a lot of almonds, but since I didn’t vomit, it obviously wasn’t too many.

I may even have more.

Categories: Uncategorized