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Archive for February, 2012

Can anyone lend me a turkey baster?

February 21, 2012 Leave a comment

As you know, we spent a good portion of 2011 trying to knock the wife up. We did a month of cycle monitoring, which included a whole whack of nasty tests (blood tests, ultrasounds and a hysterosalpingogram – not written tests, although we were asked to name the last 8 Prime Ministers in reverse order). That was followed up by 5 IUI cycles (each with a whole whack of nasty hormones, blood tests, ultrasounds and questions about international tax law). So almost a year after we began the process, the kittens are still only siblings.

In the group of same sex couples at our clinic, only three have gotten pregnant (one had the baby a couple of years ago, one is having the baby soon, and the last just became pregnant). Two of those pregnancies were done at home without clinical assistance. Consequently, the wife and I are going to give it a try at home.

And because we’re doing it at home, we decided to use American sperm. The donor is an engineer with a very high SAT score who also models (he looks like Benjamin Bratt) so both the wife and I are happy.

As per usual, we’ll keep you posted. I must go off and get some target practice now.

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Things I learned this past week

February 5, 2012 2 comments

I was scheduled for a laparoscopy last Friday to have a look and see what the status of my endometrosis is. I had been having increasingly more pain over the last few years and had exhausted all non-surgical avenues. The surgery was scheduled for Friday and I’d be back at work on Monday.

Unfortunately, the endo was so bad, the doc decided to cut me up abdominally and work it out that way. Simple 1hr surgery became a longer 3hr one. Recovery time: 4-6 weeks.

But every challenge in life brings on new opportunities to learn life lessons. Here is what I learned:

1. The nurses in the maternity ward (where they put cases like me) have bad pain management skills. Tylenol is not a pain killer people. That’s right – Tylenol. Not Tylenol3 or Extra Strength Tylenol, just plain Tylenol. Two pills every four hours. Which I do believe is the correct dosage for a large cat or small dog.

2. Drainage tube removal is not as sexy and exciting as it sounds. Mostly due to point 1 above.

3. The number of times the cats want to walk across my incision site is directly proportional to the amount of pain it will cause me. There has been a virtual parade of cats across my midsection since the surgery – the same cats who ignore me any other time.

4. Laughter is not the best medicine. In fact, it is the worst medicine after someone cuts into your stomach, second only to parading cats. Sneezing and coughing also suck.

5. Going into surgical menopause makes movies more dramatic. You can cry at horror movies oh yes you can. And I did.

6. You can fit a 5’10” wife into two chairs pushed together so she can sleep in your hospital room overnight. She isn’t very comfortable and she has to wake up every hour when the nurses come in to check on you, but she can fit… ok, she can’t fit, but she did it anyway. Poor thing.

So hopefully I’ve learned enough about surgery. Now I would like to learn more about say… the hazards of winning the lottery.

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