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Archive for January, 2011

The Price is Right is calling her name.

January 24, 2011 Leave a comment

My wife has a very strange gift. She can tell you how much the groceries are going to cost.

It starts with us grocery shopping and throwing things in the cart. Then as we approach the cashier I say, “how much?”

She will then offer an estimate. The estimate is usually off by no more than $10. I chalked this up to her adding as we added things to the cart.

Yesterday, we started shopping together but then we split apart for a good portion of the task. Then she left early to go to Shoppers Drug Mart. I checked out and put the groceries in the car by myself.

When she met me in the car, I asked “how much?” thinking she missed out on most of the items. She said “$180”.

The total was $178.

Next time, I’m going myself and calling her from the grocery store… AND I’m going to go to a different grocery store… AND I’m going to blindfold her and make her sit in the basement…

We’ll see how good she really is.

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My wife could get a job designing Japanese game shows.

January 20, 2011 Leave a comment

When the wife (I’m calling her that now since it’s legally true)  is bored, she likes to play “game time”. Game time consists of her making up three new games of which I am supposed to choose one to play.

For example, yesterday’s choices were:

1. Burpee Marathon – Burpees are really horrific exercises she learned at the gym. Both of us hate them. Feel free to google a demonstration. In this game, I would do a marathon of Burpees. I’m not sure how many that would be, but likely enough to induce vomitting.

2. The Bride – This fascinating gender bending game involves me dressing up in the wife’s wedding gown, veil and letting her do my hair and makeup. Aside from the fact, I’d never fit into her wedding gown, the photos would become a source of extortion for years to come, I’m sure.

3. Surprise Buffet – The wife takes a bowl and fills it with random food items from our kitchen: raw eggs, tuna, bar-b-q sauce, bran buds (as we all need our fibre), a pickel etc. Then I would sample the mixture blindfolded and try to guess the mystery ingredients. Aside from the raw egg, this one actually sounded a little fun.

And these are the tamest games she’s come up with. I’m sure there is money to be had in that brain of hers…

As per usual when she suggests these games, I just smile, applaud her creativity and distract her with Angry Birds or Facebook.  

I think this happens to everyone but Jenn.

January 19, 2011 Leave a comment

When I was about 8 or 9, I read a book called “Hunter in the Dark” (I think). It was about a guy who is diagnosed with leukemia, or diabetes or a hangnail or something and he takes off into the wilderness where he survives on pocket lint and a sugar packet.

I remember reading that and thinking, “I totally want to be lost out in the wilderness and survive on my own with minimal supplies”. This fantasy was further supported by my brownie (or girl guide?) training that showed me how to make a “survival kit” that fit in a Sucrets tin. I had the tools to survive!

The problem was that I lived in suburbia and would need a ride to get to wilderness.

Somewhere along my life, I lost my desire to survive in the wilderness. I now want a 5-star hotel with a shower, soft bed and internet connection. In a pinch, I could do without the internet connection.

It’s kind of sad that I’ve lost my sense of advenure but then again, I suppose I will never the subject of  Jon Krakauer book.

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