As many of you know, since I moved to Toronto I have been trying to find more friends. Friends like Andrew and J&C who I had in Edmonton. I saw them at least once week and it didn’t even have to be to do anything – we could just chat or watch TV.
Most of my friends here in Toronto are exgirlfriends, which is fine, but they aren’t as available as Andrew and J&C.
So I’ve been trying to find queer women to hang out with and whom I haven’t dated. It’s harder than it sounds. I’ve been trying for probably 4 years.
Anyway, about a month ago, I was exchanging emails with a woman from Halifax. I didn’t think she’d be a close friend I could watch TV with (because she’s in Halifax), but she was very intelligent, wrote entertaining emails and we seemed to have an easy and interesting email exchange going. The whole time I was perfectly clear that I was only looking for something platonic.
Things were going well and I was enjoying our email exchanges until she mentioned that she had "a bunch of dogs and a cat". I replied something flippantly that essentially stated that I was the worst lesbian ever because I hated dogs. And then I added that I did experience pug love in the park the other day (with Doug & Darcy – the two adorable pugs you may have seen in the village with their gay boy owners – oddly I don’t know the owners’ names). I love pugs.
She replied that she was having difficulty with the fact I hated dogs, and eventually admitted that despite the distance between us and my complicated arrangement with the DS, she was hoping to date me. And apparently because she couldn’t date me and because I am not a dog lover, I have not heard back from her since.
I’ve asked people what they thought of this. I can see dog lovers not wanting to date me. but J&C have five or six (or are they up to seven) dogs and they value my friendship. A few people have responded with "well, hate is a strong word and they are likely fearing you abuse dogs".
You know, that’s probably true and valid and you can bet I’ll never use "hate" again. However, I will also assert this: I bet if I had said "I hate snakes", no one would care. That’s giving dogs preferential treatment and is discriminatory against other critters of the world.
Additionally, I’m willing to bet that if I said that I hate cats, that wouldn’t have caused huge problems either. There are several people in the world who are avowed cat haters. Somehow, it’s ok to hate the ‘aloof’ creature that is cat but not to hate the dopey simpleton that is dog.
  1. Miss
    August 23, 2007 at 10:31 am

    Hmmm…Well, I would have reservations about a person who said they hated dogs OR cats (however, I know you, and know you don\’t actually HATE them hehe). Simply because I LOVE animals…and I usually have a pet or two, so what would happen if I wanted to hang out at my place? However, I\’d NEVER stop talking to someone because of that. pfffhhh. My first response would be to ask why….There could be a good reason for disliking one, or simply not wanting to have one as a pet. (Lots of work, barking, fur, poo you have to pick up…You Reeeally do have to have a fondness for the animal to endure this stuff).
    Had she ever mentioned hoping for a date? I have actually encounter something like this myself while looking for friends….I call it the women who are looking for friends-hoping-you\’ll-be-a-g/f-if-I\’m-into-you, and friends-until-I-get-a-g/f phenomenom. *Shaking head*. Both of these irk me. 
    I can be your "hangout" friend :DI know I haven\’t ranked in the past LMAO…but I\’m quite a bit closer now 😉

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