It’s a lesbian conspiracy.

As mentioned in my previous blog, I hate dogs. I hate the way they smell, I hate that they require more maintenance than a seven year old child, I hate that you have to physically pick up their waste product and I hate that if you don’t, they ruin your lawn. I also hate the hair, the sad look in their eyes when you don’t let them eat what you’re eating and I generally don’t find dogs terribly cute. Except pugs of course, but they have the shedding problem times twenty.
Then add in dog people. They are lovely people but they want the dog sleeping in the bed, they let the dog lick them and some have gone so far as to let them lick remnants of dinner off the people plates. Now I’ve seen places dogs lick and seen things that dogs eat and that truly hits my ‘EW’ button.
So although I’m ok with being friends with dog people, I don’t think I should marry one. And it’s not a judgement – some of my best friends are dog people, but just like some people think I’m too uptight to live with, I think dogs are too icky to live with.
In my dating life, I have struggled to find women who don’t have or want a dog. When I was online posting personal ads, it got to the point where I specifically stated my dog aversion and that I was looking for someone who was dog free. I could find no one.
When I started dating the DS, she had a dog. A big bruiser named Diesel. I didn’t worry about it because there was no chance of us living together in the near future and big dogs die younger. She did eventually give it to an elderly lady whose previous dog died. The DS was moving to a small apartment, she was working longer hours and had less time for proper dog maintenance. The little old lady had nothing but space and time and love to offer Diesel. Good deal all around.
The DS then stated that she liked walking the dog in the morning, but hated the hair and smell. I also believe she stated that she wouldn’t get another dog, but perhaps she would like to get a cat or two someday. Perfect. I love cats. And if she finds she really misses walking a dog, she can take me for walks in the morning. It’s win-win.
On the weekend, the DS was cooking me dinner (oh and yes, she used the oven so I owe her $10) and during this dinner she says to me, "some day, I’m getting a dog". So I say, "some day, aren’t you living with me?" She replies, "yes, and I’m getting a dog."
I’m not impressed. Granted, IF this cohabitation happens, it won’t be for a while but still, WHAT PART OF ‘I DON’T WANT TO LIVE WITH A DOG’ don’t people understand. Damned dog-loving lesbians. My only hope is if I can convince her to get a hypo-allergenic cat. I’m working on it.
And if I do end up dating someone else in the future, I’m telling her I’m deathly allergic to dogs. Even to those little hairless, yippy dogs.
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