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Co-worker mind games.

November 29, 2006 Leave a comment
You may recall that I visited our Phoenix office with my co-worker, A, at the beginning of November. While there, we visited Michael’s (the Craft Superstore) because we both are crafty and likes thing crafty.
 
In the cake decoration aisle, we saw a package of six little plastic babies. Mikey, another co-worker, is expecting a baby in the new year. We immediately hatched an evil plan and bought the babies.
 
Once back in the office, we started randomly placing the babies in Mikey’s stuff: his laptop, coffee cup, jacket pocket, lunchroom staff photo, etc. This took about a week. He couldn’t figure out who was behind it.
 
Yesterday, we stole all the babies back and left Mikey a ransom note that said (in little cut out letters from our pipeline magazine) "We have your babies. If you want your babies back unharmed, leave a copy of Section 6.2 of the Employee Handbook in the snack table change cup before noon today." Section 6.2 is about "workplace violence".
 
In the ransom note was the following picture. Tee hee. Don’t you wished you worked here too?
 
 
Categories: Work

The simple truth.

November 28, 2006 1 comment
 
I was discussing online dating with a co-worker today. She recently got married and hopefully will never have to worry about such things again. Her summary of what she learned from online dating:
 
Everybody has one good picture.
 
Sigh. It’s so true.

It’s a lesbian conspiracy.

November 26, 2006 Leave a comment
 
As mentioned in my previous blog, I hate dogs. I hate the way they smell, I hate that they require more maintenance than a seven year old child, I hate that you have to physically pick up their waste product and I hate that if you don’t, they ruin your lawn. I also hate the hair, the sad look in their eyes when you don’t let them eat what you’re eating and I generally don’t find dogs terribly cute. Except pugs of course, but they have the shedding problem times twenty.
 
Then add in dog people. They are lovely people but they want the dog sleeping in the bed, they let the dog lick them and some have gone so far as to let them lick remnants of dinner off the people plates. Now I’ve seen places dogs lick and seen things that dogs eat and that truly hits my ‘EW’ button.
 
So although I’m ok with being friends with dog people, I don’t think I should marry one. And it’s not a judgement – some of my best friends are dog people, but just like some people think I’m too uptight to live with, I think dogs are too icky to live with.
 
In my dating life, I have struggled to find women who don’t have or want a dog. When I was online posting personal ads, it got to the point where I specifically stated my dog aversion and that I was looking for someone who was dog free. I could find no one.
 
When I started dating the DS, she had a dog. A big bruiser named Diesel. I didn’t worry about it because there was no chance of us living together in the near future and big dogs die younger. She did eventually give it to an elderly lady whose previous dog died. The DS was moving to a small apartment, she was working longer hours and had less time for proper dog maintenance. The little old lady had nothing but space and time and love to offer Diesel. Good deal all around.
 
The DS then stated that she liked walking the dog in the morning, but hated the hair and smell. I also believe she stated that she wouldn’t get another dog, but perhaps she would like to get a cat or two someday. Perfect. I love cats. And if she finds she really misses walking a dog, she can take me for walks in the morning. It’s win-win.
 
On the weekend, the DS was cooking me dinner (oh and yes, she used the oven so I owe her $10) and during this dinner she says to me, "some day, I’m getting a dog". So I say, "some day, aren’t you living with me?" She replies, "yes, and I’m getting a dog."
 
I’m not impressed. Granted, IF this cohabitation happens, it won’t be for a while but still, WHAT PART OF ‘I DON’T WANT TO LIVE WITH A DOG’ don’t people understand. Damned dog-loving lesbians. My only hope is if I can convince her to get a hypo-allergenic cat. I’m working on it.
 
And if I do end up dating someone else in the future, I’m telling her I’m deathly allergic to dogs. Even to those little hairless, yippy dogs.

Taking personal responsibility is painful.

November 23, 2006 1 comment
 
So…
 
I was in emergency with chest pains last week. No big deal – it’s not a heart attack, it’s a sternum thing. I’m fine. This week, while walking to the lunch room for my morning coffee, my back spasmed. I’ve had a sore back before, but not a spasm. Terribly painful, let me tell you.
 
I’m far too young for this many health problems. The DS has decided that I am to "take control" and "personal responsibility" for my situation. Okey Dokey.
 
I ask the DS to start me on a programme. She tells me to do 20 minutes of cardio every morning before I shower. Fair enough. I did 20 minutes on my elliptical this morning. Then I made a protein shake with banana and blueberry, and scrambled egg whites with a wee bit of grated old cheddar. The morning started off brilliantly.  She is also giving me suggestions regarding my diet. She insists that I will feel a difference within 6 months.
 
At lunch, Lily, a co-worker, took me to her acupunturist who helps her when she has spasms. She came to translate because he is Chinese. Very official. He massaged me for 30 minutes and then stuck four needles in my spine. I feel like I’ve been hit by a truck and you should see the bruise on my back. Yikes. Apparently he had to press hard because of my "thick flesh". Yes, my thick flesh. Good thing he didn’t need to massage my tummy. There’s some pretty thick flesh there. I should have known I was in trouble when I heard the doctor speak to Lily in Chinese, then Lily said "OH NO!" (And yes, she did mean me. My lower spine is going to take some serious effort to fix.)
 
But I’m optimistic. I found a free online resource for tracking your nutrition and fitness. It’s received some pretty good reviews. It does seem like a lot of work to write things down but I’ll give it a go. If you’re interested, click here. You too can keep track of your life. I bet I keep this up for 27 days before I lose interest in this online crap.
 
But I will stick with the DS’s programme for a while. Or she’ll beat me. Or worse than beat me, she’ll make me do a ‘cleansing diet’. Nasty.
 
 
Categories: Uncategorized

Pugs are dangerous.

November 20, 2006 1 comment
 
So I’m in the ROTC truck, front passenger seat on Sunday at 11am. Mac is driving. The DS is in the seat behind me. We are cruising up Church St at about 35 km/h. The DS says, "Look! A Pug!"
 
As everyone knows, I HATE dogs. HATE them. But I think pugs are adorable. When they are outside, in a photo and/or belong to someone else and stay out of my hair-free house. (Well, animal hair-free. I have femme hair everywhere.)
 
So I look out the window and see a brunette (with her back to us) holding the leash of this large, beautiful pug. So I point and my face lights up with pure, pug joy and I say "Look at that adorable pug!"
 
Exactly at that moment, a tall, blonde dyke with hockey hair steps out of the building and starts gesturing at me in a very angry way. She was not pleased. I didn’t know why until the DS started laughing hysterically. Apparently this woman thought I was hitting on her gf? How can I be hitting on her gf at 35 km/h when her back is toward me. Yes, I’m studly, but I’m not THAT studly. geez.

Another reason to think Amercian are insane.

November 17, 2006 Leave a comment
 
The radio station I listen to out of Buffalo has started playing Christmas carols full time. It’s not even the U.S. Thanksgiving yet.
Categories: Uncategorized

I’m a busy bee.

November 13, 2006 Leave a comment
 
How did this happen? I get a promotion to leader of the evil empire and I seem to be very busy. Aside from my trip to Phoenix last week, the last four days in the office have been long and frantic.
 
Today, I worked straight through my 10am snack time so I was famished at 11am. My agonizing stomach pain announced that I needed to eat. So I ate my snack. I worked through lunch and realized about 3pm that I really needed to eat again. But I had a company meeting to attend, so I selected the quietest food in my lunch (yoghurt and a banana) and ate that during the meeting.
 
At one point, I realized that I was working so hard that I hadn’t visited the ladies room in a very long time. My poor bladder. I’ve been neglecting it.
 
And the worst part is that I haven’t been able to do any of my daily Scrabble calendar puzzles. I’m very behind on those. November 3rd is staring me in the face, taunting me. Damn you November 3rd!
 
Now I must go and email the friends I’ve neglected during the workday.
Categories: Uncategorized