Archive for April, 2006

Three blogs in one.

April 29, 2006 Leave a comment
I’ve been a negligent blogger for so long, I feel I have to make it up to you with three new blogs:
Blog 1: Size Matters
My ROTC group (the parade performance people) have elected me (unanimously, might I add) for the Board of Directors as one of the previous board members resigned. I am officially a "Director-at-Large".
Unfortunately, you all know that I have issues with my hip size so this title doesn’t make me particularly happy. Do you think I could ask to be the "Director-at-Medium"? Or even the "Director-at-Big-Boned".
Blog 2: A Co-op Engineer did NOT invent standardized time.
I was monopolizing the copier at work on Friday by printing out 20 copies of the Health & Safety Manual that I wrote for our company. It’s 126 pages long although I do print them double sided to save paper. The Safety Manual is a big priority for a company. Especially ours because our guys go into tiny, underground pipes on a regular basis.
Anyway, we have a bunch of co-op engineers working for our R&D Dept. We don’t pay for them. We aren’t sure what our R&D guy makes them do, however, we do know it involves a lot of photocopying.
The latest co-op guy kept wandering to the copier to see if I was done. Finally, at about 10:00 am, I said, "look – I’ll be using the copier all day. It may not take all day, but it will definitely take the whole morning."
So he says, "I should come back in a few minutes?"
I said, "No, it will take ALL MORNING."
He says, "OK, I’ll come back in 15 minutes."
Blog 3: Won’t You be my Neighbour?
The house attached to me went on sale about a month ago. It’s still not sold and they’ve dropped the asking price by $3,500. It’s slightly smaller than mine and I would guess not in as good shape as the MLS listing only has an exterior photo.
Last night as I drove home, I noticed the neighbours on the other side have put their unit up for sale.
Apparently, no one wants to live by me.
I would like gay people to move in. Then we can start our very own gaybourhood here in the suburbs. And we can have parades around the complex cul-de-sac roadway. Mom and I marched around it in circles last spring as part of the recovery process from my surgery so we have the lesbian contribution and PFLAG (Parents, Friends and Families of Lesbians & Gays) contribution covered. Now we just need some leatherdaddies, drag queens and vegetarians.
(FYI: The unit that just went up for sale is the same size as the other unit – ie: a bit smaller than mine – and they are asking $13,000 more. I tried to find the ‘virtual tour’ the sign on their lawn says I can find, but I can’t find it so I don’t know what the difference is.)
Categories: ROTC, Work

Should I be worried?

April 20, 2006 Leave a comment
I just installed a new component into my computer. The last page in the installation instructions says:
"WARNING: Handling the cord(s) on this product may expose you to lead, a chemical known to the State of California to cause cancer and birth defects or other reproductive harm. Wash hands after handling."
Categories: Uncategorized

Is there a draft in here?

April 20, 2006 Leave a comment
Normally, when I go to my Monday soccer games, I put on my uniform (shorts and shirt) at home, put sweats and a jacket on over that, drive to the field, sit in the bleachers, take my sweats off, put my shin pads, socks and shoes on, and then go play soccer.
On Monday, I thought I did that until I was sitting in the bleachers, putting on my shin guards and noticing that I felt a little cold.
Turns out, I had forgotten to put my shorts on so I was sitting there in my undies.
I’m just glad I noticed before getting on the field.

My mom is so cool.

April 11, 2006 Leave a comment
Turns out, I didn’t have to worry about my mom being disappointed in my stripper trip. She actually wants to go see them too!
And she’s straight, so there IS something to straight women and strippers…
Categories: Uncategorized

Naked chicks aplenty.

April 9, 2006 Leave a comment
A friend took me to the strippers on Saturday night. Not to see the strippers, but to meet a friend of hers who waitressed there. I had already seen my fill of strippers the last time I went, with a different friend.
<Aside: Why do my friends keep taking me to see strippers?>
Anyway, there we were in perverts row, watching women do very unhygienic things with the pole, and it occurred to me that suburban stripper clubs were a little different than the downtown stripper clubs (not that I’ve been to enough clubs to give a good sample size for comparison – I’ve been to exactly one of each). Suburban clubs were less crowded, less noisy and a little less formal, less business oriented. Unlike the downtown club, not a single stripper offered me a lap dance. Although my friend was offered breasts from some audience member/stripper wannabe who kept ending up on stage, and she graciously declined.
Also, the women actually seemed to outnumber the men in the audience – and they all looked like straight women! Why is that? If any of my straight friends have insight to offer on this, I’d love to hear it.
My favourite stripper was the one who carefully washed down the pole before she began her performance. Smart woman. That was kind of attractive. A woman who appreciates a germ-free environment is always a turn on.
And, mom, I AM doing wholesome activities as well. The same friend took me to the Mini-Indy go-kart place on Thursday. There were no naked chicks there and we stuck to the junior speed cars. All good, harmless fun. (Although I did have a beer at dinner after the go-karts and only had a diet coke at the strippers… how messed up is that?)
Categories: Uncategorized

I’m 12.

April 6, 2006 Leave a comment
A couple of months ago, I went to a dinner party held by two gentlemen in my ballroom dance class. Another guest was surprised to hear I was 35; he thought I was in my early to mid 20’s. I wasn’t too flattered – I figured he was just a silly little gay boy who had no concept of age.
Today, I went to the Global Trader Awards in Barrie (work requirement). I was networking and talking to a straight woman there about her job setting up export relationships for Ontarian businesses. At some point in the chit chat, I mentioned that I moved away from Alberta when I was 30. She then choked on her beverage and said she thought I was 25.
I hope this isn’t a reflection of my maturity level.
Categories: Work

How much blood can I give?

April 4, 2006 Leave a comment
The bone marrow donation people called and I have an appointment next week to donate blood to them for testing.
I went to my doctor today for my first follow up appointment after my hysterectomy and she is sending me for blood tests on Saturday for iron levels and glucose and cholesterol and a bunch of other things (because I’m old – not because there’s anything wrong me per se).
That’s a lot of blood I have to give up. Hopefully, I won’t get injured at soccer again. I can’t afford to waste any.
And it turns out that on my doctor’s scale I’m 12 lbs heavier than I am on my home scale. That was quite the disappointment. However, I am still 12 lbs lighter than I was after my surgery a year ago (24 lbs lighter, if we go by my home scale) and since my uteris only weighs a few ounces, that’s all fat loss. I’m practically wasting away.
Categories: Uncategorized